A few weeks ago a friend asked if I could attend her birth so that I might be able help her and her husband relax with shiatsu. I was ecstatic since I had been pondering on whether I wanted to take doula training in the near future or not. She knew this. I thought it would be a great opportunity for my learning curve, as well as the doula training would require me to attend several births. It would have been an honor to attend her birth, to be there to support her.
Four days before my friend was suppose to go into labor we made plans to visit in the afternoon. I had been pushing myself a lot that week, working on many clients, when my body told me I needed to not think about others or do any work for at least one day. That was the day when I was expected to visit my friend.
I was having breakfast with another dear friend when my pregnant friend called me. She seemed frantic since her husband had just hurt his neck. I could feel her stress and wanted to zoom over to their house to work on his neck right away. But I had a doctor’s appointment for myself, which I could not skip out on. My friend told me to get to the house as soon as I could. After my appointment I had still important errands to attend, but I tried to rush through them all. On my last errand I parked at a parking lot that you have to pay for, and I was just dropping something off so I thought I didn’t have to pay. Well as soon as I got back to the car the ticket man was writing up a pink slip for me. I told him I was only 5 minutes. He said, that’s what they all say. I got angry. I sat in my front seat with my face red and fuming from his meanness. But then I was able to pause. When my friend had called I had put on the hero’s hat and felt a need to be there for them as soon as I could. I had forgotten that my body asked me earlier, to take it easy.
After I allowed myself time to pause I felt ready to visit my friend. I worked on her husband’s shoulder, neck and back for an hour. After that I went for a walk with my friend. I stayed with them for a few hours. I told them they could call me anytime they were to start labor.
But then on the day she was suppose to go into labor I woke up with a severe inflamed throat and other cold like symptoms. I tried everything I could think of to fight it. I wanted to attend the birth and I wasn’t going to let a cold stop me…. but then the next day my friend had still not called me, I felt worst. I realized I had to let go of wanting to be there. (I had known it the moment my throat flared up but I was hopeful.) I called my friend and apologized. She understood. I also had to cancel all of my sessions with other clients.
I know there are reasons for everything in life and sometimes we just aren’t ready to know the reason. Sometimes those reasons in life don’t make sense to us at that moment but years later they do. It didn’t take years later for me to get why I had gotten sick on that day. My body had told me earlier to pause for myself but I had not listened. My body knew I was not ready to attend the birth for it knew I was still holding on to the hero’s hat. I wanted to take away my friends pain. Some people call it being too attached to another person’s experience, or you could call it over-caring for someone. By over-caring you don’t allow them to experience their own life’s joys and pains. My body reminded me that I had to let go of making sure my friend had an experience the way I thought it was suppose to be. She had the right to experience it her way. In the end a birth is how it is suppose to be and we must all let go of the results of how we think it should happen. I had thought I was suppose to be there to help relax my friend and her husband but when I look back I realized I had been there, just not when I had planned.